Xanta Claus is Coming to Town

ITS A CHRISTMAS EDITION OF THE PRO WRESTLING ALARM! EVEN VINCE MCMAHON EXPLOITS THE GREATEST OF HOLIDAYS!

Pro Wrestling and holidays have had a rocky past. Halloween has brought us many different Stings. Thanksgiving brought us The Gobbledy Gooker. And Christmas brings us Santa Claus. When Santa shows up in a wrestling ring, 9.5 times out of 10 he will be beaten within an inch of his life. Steve Austin hits Santa with a Stone Cold Stunner. 911 chokeslams him to the delight of Philadelphia ECW fans. But one man hated Santa and Christmas more than any other. That person is "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase. And boy did he have a surprise for the wrestling audience.

Avoiding Stressmas: JD's Tips for the Holidays

Let's face it, Christmas can be a very stressful time of year. It's all about making other people happy and going out of your way to be super nice and generous. You have to buy gifts, show up to parties that you don't want to attend, fake it through mindless company Christmas gift exchanges, and try not to stab any homeless people on the way home. It's a strain! Luckily for all you bastard readers, I have some wonderful news. It doesn't have to be all stress. I have complied data for the past 20 years on how to effectively curb the Xmas blues. Just follow my list, and check it twice,decide if you want to be naughty or nice.

The Saga of Chuck

Rest in peace Chuck, I’m sorry to see you go. For those of you wondering Chuck was my landlord. He was a good man, and a better go-cart driver. Chuck's career started in the early 70’s while working at his father’s ostrich ranch. Chuck found that he could herd ostrich like sheep when using a homemade go-kart he had built from scratch.

Tough Enough: Part 2

PRO WRESTLING ALARM! THEY ACTUALLY WROTE A TWO-PART ARTICLE ABOUT THIS SHIT!!!

Earlier this week, we talked about the first two season of Tough Enough (HERE). A show on MTV that recently returned on the USA Network. To recap, the first two season produced 6 different personalities and zero dollars. More of the same came from Season 3 and a colossal loss of money was on tap for Season 4.

Now We Talk About Tough Enough

ITS ANOTHER PRO WRESTLING ARTICLE! AVERT YOUR EYES! HIDE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!

Once upon a time in the mid 1990's networks could not get enough professional wrestling content. The ratings were high and everyone was talking about the weekly happenings. The other thing networks could not get enough of was this new trend called "reality TV". Reality TV is as scripted as wrestling. Wrestling is infinitely more real. And they can air the show on MTV which started the genre with "The Real World." What MTV and the WWE created was a waste of money but had some entertaining moments.

Never Forget: Brawl For All

THE ALARM HAS BEEN HIT! RUN THE FUCK AWAY! ITS ANOTHER ARTICLE ABOUT THE ABSURDITY OF PRO WRESTLING!

The WWF had some really tough guys under contract in 1998. They were not the best wrestlers but these guys needed something to do and were always looking for ways to look good. Why not have these guys put on boxing gloves and fight for real? The problem is, WRESTLING IS FAKE! So we had a real fighting competition in the middle of a fake wrestling program. Marc Mero would really hit Steve Blackman and then 10 minutes later, The Rock would pull his punches on D-Lo Brown. Makes no sense. And this tournament was 100% real. Click the button and I'll tell you why this didn't work.

People I Love to Watch Die

The world loves action movies. Action movies tend to not have any kind of plot. What they lack in storytelling and good acting they usually make up for with fighting sequences and memorable deaths. You may not be able to tell me what the last Rambo was about but I bet you would mention Sylvester Stallone firing that .50 caliber machine gun for 10 solid minutes. Character actors populate and thrive in the action genre. There are many guys who have made their careers playing soldiers, cops, captains, generals. And these character actors usually die. Violently. Here are 3 of my favorite actors more known for their deaths than their work.