The Saga of Chuck

Rest in peace Chuck, I’m sorry to see you go. For those of you wondering Chuck was my landlord. He was a good man, and a better go-cart driver. Chuck's career started in the early 70’s while working at his father’s ostrich ranch. Chuck found that he could herd ostrich like sheep when using a homemade go-kart he had built from scratch.

As the years passed Chuck became very proficient at herding the ostriches. He was so good he decided to go to the local go-cart track to test his skills against real people instead of animals that stuck their heads in the ground.

At the local Putt-Putt and Go-Kart's Chuck proved to all the 12 year olds that they were no match for a 34-year-old with a go-cart and the willingness to expose himself to their mothers. Soon after that day he was approached by Don Owens, a local go-cart race promoter. Owens wanted Chuck to race in the big time, the Muncie City Circuit. In the MCC Chuck would be racing against the big names of go-carting: Dale Ernheart III, Jeff Helmsly, and Hunter Jarrett. Chuck was so nervous he could no longer get ‘it’ up for his midday rendezvous with his half-sisters mother.

Chuck turned to the dark side of go-carting. He became addicted to Viagra. At first he only used them when he going to meet Sherri (his ½ sisters mom), but soon he was using all the time. You never saw Chuck anymore, you only saw “Big Daddy” (that’s what he asked to be called). Chuck had a problem, but he wasn’t about to admit it; at least not before “The Big Race at the End”.

“The Big Race at the End” was the crowning jewel of the MCC and Chuck thought he had a chance. The MCC has stringent drug testing policies so Chuck wanted to piss clean in his victory bucket. Buy he couldn’t face the race without his little blue pill, and that led to his downfall. Chuck was leading the race until the final lap. As best as the cleanup crew could tell, his ‘piece’ got stuck in the steering wheel before turn 2 and he couldn’t pull in time. The car then hit a 2x4 (a.k.a. the pit) jumped and exploded upon impact with the wall. All that was found of Chuck was a charred hard-on. His children told me they plan on having it bronzed and giving it to his mother.