NFL season has semi-officially started and it's time to act like an irrational, maniac every Sunday. Drinking dangerous amounts of beer and consuming absurd quantities of fried food isn't the only thing that makes your stomach hurt, it's the constant challenge of defending your allegiance to your favorite teams. If you have asshole friends (like I do), then you are familiar with the scenario of cheering for another team that your friends do not support and being chastised for it. Here's how to kick those douchers in the intellectual balls.
Stand Your Ground- Don't EVER second guess why you like this team. It could be a childhood memory, a piece of clothing you wore and eventually liked the team, or you liked them on a video game. Convey to your gridiron mates that you bleed the team colors for this team. These are reasons that are justifiable to you and you alone. Piss on those who do not understand.
Band Wagon Myth- Enormous B-holes like to point out the fact that you only like your team because they are winning. Unless you're a chick, this is an egregious offense. When some fat asshole points out that the other team your are cheering for is only conditional, it is time to get on the offense and use factual evidence for your support. This is a good opportunity to list exact player names, games, and any statistical information during the team's down period to prove you stuck with them. Do your homework!
Just The Facts- When responding to someone calling you out on your other team, this is where it is crucial to explain exact times, dates, events, and reasons for your "other" team. Example, being a 49ers fan in Indianapolis requires me to defend my love for the red and gold. I love the Colts but grew up watching Joe throw to Rice and then Steve Young while Jeff George and Eric Dickerson increased gun sales in Indianapolis. I pointed out the exact Super Bowl, old photos in 49ers garb, and drawings I made as a kid to prove how much I loved the 49ers. The 49ers have recently become a Super Bowl contender again, so naturally the word "band wagaon" is used. see above steps
Rubber Band Method-If these steps aren't enough to prove how much of a fan you are, then you are not the problem. It is the thick-skulled, hairy, neanderthals that look for fault in your fandom. Use the rubber band method and immediately question how hardcore they are for the home team and use this as a chance to one-up them on their home turf. Be sure to use specific circumstances like "at least I didn't skip the game to be with my girlfriend/fiancee/wife/hooker/mistress/gay lover/etc." or "how many games did you go to?" or "did you wait in the cold to buy tickets or tailgate?".
This should be sufficient ammo to stand your ground, wear the other team's colors with pride, and stand firm against those who question....but don't be an asshole and cheer against the home team with a group of friends. Federal law allows you to be beaten.
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