Are You A Mexicool?

PRO WRESTLING ALARM! THIS IS A STORY ABOUT PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING!

Do not read this if you do not want to hear about some of the craziest, funniest, and most offensive storylines in cable TV history. Every bit of this story is true and a billion dollar entertainment company that this was a good idea and would make the company money. If you want to read about a trio of Mexican wrestlers portraying landscapers on television, then please click the little button and read on. And did I mention that these are EVIL landscapers?

The Mexicools were a wrestling group comprised of Juventud Guerrera, Psycosis, and Super Crazy. Each of these men have wrestled amazing matches in front of millions of people in Mexico and made lots of money. And because stories of their wrestling reach the Internet, Vince McMahon throws a little money at them and brings those wrestlers under his roof. But neither WWE or WCW ever knew what to do with Mexican wrestlers.

The Mexican wrestlers wear masks and outlandish outfits and fly around the ring. That is what makes Lucha Libre wrestling so popular in Mexico. WWE gives the Mexican wrestlers a contract and immediately takes away the masks and the outfits and gives them characters and since wrestling writers agree that their fanbase works only in fast food, car washes, and mowing grass we get EVIL Mexican landscapers instead of good wrestling.

Psycosis headlined events all around Mexico against his greatest opponent Rey Mysterio, Jr. Psycosis had five-star matches with Rey in Mexico, ECW, and WCW. Psycosis had long hair and a mask with horns sewn on. This mask was meant to hide his ugliness and humongous and long nose. This man is not a telanovela idol. Psycosis without his mask is the creepy janitor you do not look in the eyes. And he never wrestled Rey Mysterio on WWE TV. Uncle Vince does not like to give away great matches.

Super Crazy made his name in Mexico and then came to the USA to fight Japanese import Yoshihiro Tajiri in ECW in a series of great matches. This made for an awesome rivalry because Tajiri threw sickeningly real kicks at his opponents and Super Crazy was willing to do back-flips off any structure at any height at his opponents. Uncle Vince bought Super Crazy. Super Crazy then took most of that money and appeared to eat Super Crazy. Dude nearly doubled in size the second he signed the fat contract. In a strange coincidence it became harder for Super Crazy to do insane dives and back-flips. He also moved a lot slower and never appeared happy.

Juventud has the strangest story of the bunch. Juvi spent most of his life being overshadowed by Rey Mysterio at every stage of his career. Rey was always one step above Juvi. After losing his mask to Chris Jericho, Juvi then had to walk around and wrestle without his face cover. Problem is that Juvi looks like a Pre-Op Transsexual without his mask on. Oh, and Juventud Guerrera loved his drugs. He loved them very much. He was arrested while on tour in Australia after smoking weed laced with PCP. It took somewhere between 8-10 police officers to subdue a 140 pound man and he was promptly fired. But then Uncle Vince came calling and gave him one last shot.

Three men with dreams of superstardom came to the WWE and formed a superteam. They would be The Mexicools and take on all other tag teams and groups to prove their dominance. And they wore full jumpsuits. And carried weed whackers. And cheated to win matches that were only seen on the Internet by dozens of fans with nothing better to do. And just in case the EVIL gardener thing was coming across as understated or subtle, THE MEXICOOLS RODE TO THE RING ON A TRACTOR! Not offensive at all. But the tractor was slightly altered. While it appears to be green and yellow and recognizable, its not a John Deere. No, they rode a JUAN Deere.

The Mexican and Spanish speaking audience for TV shows has exploded in recent years and I'm glad that those viewers have heroes that they can look up to. They have The Mexicools. Join us next week for a chat about Saba Simba.