Sunday night the WWE put up another edition of the Elimination Chamber PPV. It made me think of a time when Uncle Vince tried to wring one last dollar out of the ECW Brand. Vince booked an all-ECW PPV and made the main event an Extreme Elimination Chamber match and filling it with 6 of the biggest superstars in ECW history. Like Test and Bobby Lashley. Instead of just having a cage match for the ECW belt, we got an enclosed cage with every area of the ring filled with weapons. It was Extreme! It was terrible. Find out how they shit the bed after the bump.
Before the main event, fans were treated to a great tag team match between MNM and The Hardy Boys. It was the only actual highlight from the fucking show. Shit followed. Tommy Dreamer, the epitome of everything that ECW stood for, lost a match by roll-up to jobber Daivari. But the night was setting up for a huge cage match for the title.
Participants:
CM Punk was the young star and while he never wrestled for the original ECW he was a great ambassador with all of his tattoos and actual wrestling ability.
Rob Van Dam was one of the greatest stars ECW had ever seen and wrestled in many of the promotion's all-time great matches.
Test was a guy whose finishing move was called "The Big Boot of Death." No bullshit. He worked as a roadie for Motley Crue and wrestled on the side. His greatest trick was getting Vince to keep extending his contract.
Bobby Lashley was a giant black man with a huge build who talked like a 5th grader. Many attempts were made to make him marketable. All failed.
Big Show had wrestled in every promotion and was moved down the line to ECW. He was inexplicably the champion at the time. Around this time he was considering quitting for good but is still wrestling today. His lack of passion really showed in this match.
Finally, we had Sabu. The guy with scars up and down his chest and arms from all of his extreme matches. Former ECW World Champion and one of the original ECW superstars.
The Match
Remember that Sabu guy? I just talked about him! Well, he was knocked out before the match began and could not compete. Vince had the perfect replacement in mind. HARDCORE MOTHERFUCKING HOLLY! Please take all the time you need to pick up your jaws from your keyboard. The asshole who scared away that Tough Enough kid was being given a shot in the main event of the last PPV of 2006.
The first elimination took place very quickly. They got rid of Holly before he could fuck this up? No, no. They got rid of CM Punk almost immediately. The only popular guy created during the whole WWE-ECW experiment was killed almost dead. Hardcore Holly was eliminated second, to the biggest pop of his career, after being hit by the aforementioned Big Boot of Death! Then Test got rid of the pesky ECW OG RVD (enough acronyms?!) with his equally deadly Top Rope Elbowdrop. Test was hit with a spear by Bobby Lashley and removed from eyesight. Big Show was beaten by a Lashley spear after a whole 4 minutes of work and ECW had a new giant steroid freak as champion.
The show was shit on by critics and fans alike. It was the worst received PPV of recent memory. Vince responded by firing Paul Heyman (who repeatedly tried to get the writers to change their mind about Lashley) and blaming the shit on him.
The WWE/ECW experiment was born to fail. The situation is hard to explain. People watched ECW in the 90's as a "Fuck You" to the WWE. ECW was the alternative. Then Vince bought the company. Vince is like an 80's movie villain who was not stopped by that crew of young dancers from the neighborhood. Vince bought the Rec Center, demolished it, and put new shitty dancers on the show. The company made no money on this and ECW was finally allowed to die soon after.
This was literally the worst match I have ever had to endure. Avoid at all costs.
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