Thursday, July 12, 2012

Bring Out Your Dead...AND PARTY!

Just when you though this freaking country couldn't get any more bizarre, I came across this little snip-it of joy. In Michigan, a woman was found watching NASCAR with her deceased husband propped up in his chair. Here's the best part, her husband had been dead for 18 months! YES! Over a year with this stiff, just chillin' out on his favorite chair. Couldn't she have been a bit more creative with her postmortem play mate?

According to the story on "M Live", her 68 year-old husband died of natural causes (allegedly) or from watching too much NASCAR..but that's for another story.  "He just fell asleep." She kept him in his chair after he died, keeping him dressed and cleaned. ":His body did not stink," she said.

This got me to think about all the fun things you could do with a corpse. NASCAR is DEAD boring and too long.  So, I thought I'd list my favorite activities to do with dead people.(warning: do not attempt or even ponder. If you see a dead body, make sure to wipe prints and plant evidence)

No Life, No Line, No Problems- The first great idea is taking your deceased buddy to your favorite amusement park and bending him or her into a wheel chair to zip to the front of the line. Make sure the safety belt is on tight....or don't! Freak the other passengers out by having a body fly off of the coaster. Makes for a good pic.

Life(less) In The Fast Lane- In busy parts of the country, traffic can be a bitch. Carpool lanes are the only way to alleviate this problem, but you must have a passenger. Why not take your dead friend, strap in, and punch it. To add insult, remove your dead friend's pants and moon on coming traffic claiming your carpool victory.

Dead-Aim- Going to the shooting range is fun, but testing an actual weapon out on a person is WAY better than a piece of paper. Hook up your recently departed friend to a moving hook and then proceed to blow them apart with a high-powered machine gun. 'Merica!!!

Corpse-cicle Skiing- Did anyone else laugh when Sonny Bono and that Kennedy smacked into a tree and die? Admittedly, I did..(sorry Jesus) Here's a guilt-free way of getting a sick laugh watching a body hurl down a mountain, smack a tree, take out a little kid, plunge into a ski lift, and crash through the lodge window. Also, pushing them off the ski lift is good for a chuckle or two.

If you have any great ideas I missed, please feel free to tell me your favorite thing to do with a dead body. Just a heads up, if anyone says "have sex with it" I will hunt you down, I will find you, and I will kill you.
Peace! I'm outta here.

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