Do We Need Another Judge Dredd?

Hollywood is out of ideas. It is not a secret. Instead of making new movies or waiting for Christopher Nolan or Quentin Tarantino to change the landscape again, producers reach into their vault of ideas and make new versions of old movies. The dust just settled on Spider Man 3 (piece of emo shit that it was) before they rebooted the franchise with another origin story starring the guy fucked out of billions in The Social Network. Producers are missing the point. The best remakes are remakes of BAD movies. And Hollywood has picked a gem to redo. Do we really need a re-imagined Judge Dredd movie? The answer is "fuck yeah." And I will tell you why after the bump.

I love Judge Dredd. It is one of the best awful movies of the 1990's. It was set up to be epic. You have Sylvester Stallone struggling through the English language. You have Armand Assante doing his best Frank Stallone impression. Rob Schneider is the comic relief. There are giant robots and utopian societies. And the old priest himself Max Von Sydow gets to wax philosophical and shoot machine guns.

In the future, cops have all the power of judge, jury, and executioner. They are the law. And Stallone reminds us of that fact every 45 seconds. Stallone is framed for murder by his cloned twin brother who happens to be evil (Armand Assante) and Dredd becomes the scum he hates the most. Stallone has to come back to Mega City One to clear his good name and end tyranny. He picks up Rob Schneider along the way as a comic sidekick. Assante, Jurgen Prochnow, and Stallone take turns chewing the scenery and at times look like dogs fighting over a steak. You have 3 classic overactors fighting each other to be memorable in a movie that cannot support it. Needless to say, Stallone kills everyone and rights the wrongs and 90 minutes have gone by with so many laughs and possible tears.

"NO, I AM THE LAW!"

And now we have a new Judge Dredd. His name is Karl Motherfucking Urban. You may remember him form Lord of the Rings, Doom, The Bourne Supremacy, and Star Trek. Karl is not a good actor. But Karl is very entertaining to watch. It is still the future. It is still set in Mega City One. A new drug has hit the streets and it causes events to appear slowed down to 1% of their normal speed. The drug is called SLO-MO and the drug and city are controlled by Ma-Ma (Lena Headey of 30 and Game of Thrones). Only Dredd and a rookie cop can save the world. Dredd never takes off his helmet and Urban does his Christian Bale Batman impression throughout the film. Urban reminds us that he is the law. Lots of gunfights and people dying and Karl Urban. I will be the first in line.