The Greatest Spectacle In Tailgating

Getting as drunk and fat as you can has been a long standing tradition in America. I myself, have participated in this patriotic past-time ever since High School, and that's the best part. Tailgating has no age limitations. (of course if you're under 21 you can't drink legally, and if you're under 18, get the hell out of here until you're hot AND legal) If you're 18 or 80, we as a Americans have deemed it appropriate to "camp" outside of large organized events and swallow as much red meat, beer, and pride as we can. However, we are a intelligent pack of slobs.

With advancements in technology, come advancements in convenience. Want to camp, watch TV, slow-roast a turkey, soak in a hot tub, bang on a water bed, play video games, AND grill out? Well now you can, and just a stumbling distance from the day's event. Tailgating is not limited to sports. Intoxication and mastication can enhance any event. I have expanded my horizons and my waistline at a wide variety of events;

• Old 80's bands reunion tours
• Strip clubs
• Little cousins' graduation
• Movies
• My own graduation (College and High School)
• Broadway musicals
• AA meetings

On May 27th, there will be a no greater example than the Indy 500. People from all over the globe will be herded in like cattle to witness the splendor and creativity that is tailgating. The best part about having this event in my Hoosier home state, is that other people from other regions of the world and country bring a new flare every year.

The South brings spicy foods, gorgeous trailer-park debutantes, and racism. East Coast brings seafood, and obnoxious assholes (equip with equally annoying accents). Mid-West brings meat,cheese, love handles, and smoking hot farm girls. West-Coast brings organic food, organic beer, hippies, fake tits, and the hottest girls at the track. Canadians bring American currency. Europeans bring wine, and a smug, confused sense of friendship, plus slutty women. The French bring a white flag.

If you've never experienced it for yourself, it's worth the trip and heartburn. Tailgating is awesome and it starts on May 27th. Ladies and Gentlemen, START YOUR DRINKING!!!